I have always admired people with high paying jobs, executives, lawyers and the sort. I would get so self-conscious around bright people that I could find no words to say to them. I then started to feel more self-conscious around them, thinking that they were thinking I was simple. The spiral went deeper and deeper until I fell so far into the vortex of shame that I would want to leave social functions, and often did. As soon as I got into the car, I would think of great things to say, things that would prove I wasn't a complete airhead, but of course, it was too late...I was socially awkward!
I had made these clever folks into super-humans, they were no longer people at all. Even if they had said something that I didn't believe in, I probably would have thought it were deep and profound.
I never thought I was stupid, I actually think I am quite intelligent when I apply myself and speak my truth. But this is a skill that is still being cultivated, I am still working on becoming me, not trying to be anyone but ME. I am working on not saying something silly and hurtful just to get a giggle out of the crowd. I have come to realise that I am not a traveling comedy show, because my comedy was more often mean-spirited than fun. I am striving to see the beauty in each person and each situation. And I hope that through the beauty and strength I see in them, they can start to see it in themselves. This isn't easy!
In a yoga class, you have people from all walks of life and it is so rewarding when they come up to you and thank you for your help, your touch, your guidance. It feels so good to make other people feel good, and in doing so I feel better than ever and feel more able to freely share myself with them.
I have learned that in teaching and assisting a yoga class, it is never about me. It is all about the other person and to give them a piece of you, to share yourself and your truth, is the greatest gift to give.You all have a gift, you may not be a doctor saving lives, but you have the power to make a meaningful contribution, speak your truth!
I still find myself feeling a little anxiety in some social situations, but the more I connect with what is really me, the easier it gets. Just figuring out what samskaras (storeis) are mine to keep and mine to let go, so much of what I base myself on, or measure myself on is from someone elses scale, and how could I ever expect to measure up?
Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
5th Chakra, the throat chakra
Sanskrit: Vishuddha
Speak your truth. Lying violates the body and spirit.
To realize when you are lying to yourself its necessary to KNOW your truth.
xoxoxox.
Namaste,
Jacqui.
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